Let’s talk about Afghanistan. You should easily find it in this map:

Between the 12th and 16th Centuries (1100’s and 1500’s), the Mongols, initially led by Ghengis Kahn, completely invaded, kicked ass and took names. Though they mostly hung out in Ghazni, a central city between Kandahar and Kabul; it was their base of operations for kicking India’s ass. For added timeline context: During most of this time, nobody knew North America existed.

In the early 1500’s, Afghanistan was divided. To the West you had the Persians (now known as Iran), To the north was the Uzbecks, to the East were the Mughals (Persianized/Indianized Mongol descendants. Hell of a gene pool).

In by the year 1700, you had all the occupying armies, but there were still a bunch of Pachtun Tribes (aka invaded Afghanis). Two such tribes were predominant: On one side are the Durranis – most of the settled population, farmers, traders, the professional middle class. On the other are the Ghilzai, traditionally nomadic, fiercely fundamentalist in religion, whose tribal homelands stretch across into Pakistan as far as Kashmir. They hated each other; Afghanistan was in a civil war while they were occupied! Great.

Kandahar was mostly Ghizlai at this time. In 1709, The Afghan people, sick of being occupied by the frickin’ Persian and Mongol armies, say “Fuck this, we have to kick out these Persian invaders from our land.” and decide to kick the Persians out. Led by Mir Wais Hotak (Ghizlai), they did; and took back Kandahar for their own. Hey, it’s a tiny kingdom but it’s a start. The Persians were too rich, fat and lazy to retake Kandahar (literally, actually).

Mir Wais’s son, Mir Mahmud Hotaki, figures his dad was on the right track, and decides to kick more Persian ass…and does he ever. He took their frickin’ capital (Isfahan) within less than 2 years! Mir Mahmud Hotaki, being the sensible man, figures he deserves a go at ruling the people he just invaded. He becomes Shah of Persia. He pretty much abused the shit out of his Persian subjects. He was then murdered by a jealous cousin who wanted power too. Then the Persians said “Fuck this, we have to kick out these Afghan invaders from our land”. They retake Kandahar.

By 1747, Ahmed Shah Durrani kills the Persian ruler of Kandahar and becomes ruler.

The Durranis rule until, oh…about 1979. But don’t worry, the Ghizlai were still around, and still fecking hated the Durranis. The ruling Durranis had to move the capital from Ghizlai populated Kandahar to Kabul a couple of hundred years before. The Durranis were never shy to ask for help in calming down the Ghizlai. Either the Tajiks from the North, or later the British, were happy to help. The Brits, had every interest of protecting its crown jewel, India, from the Ghizlai.

In 1979, The Russians decide they want a piece of Afghanistan. They try to get the Ghizlai to help them overthrow the Durranis. Thing was, The Ghizlai hated the Russians’ socialist and secular agenda so much, they were easily influenced by the USA to attack the Russians. America gave tons of money, guns and training to a Ghizlai guy from Saudi Arabia (They’re everywhere) named Osama Bin Laden so he could fight the Russians (and the Durranis too, the USA didn’t really care, as long as the Russians lost). Heh—It worked.

The Ghizlai, now using God Mode + Infinite ammo cheats, take over Afghanistan, and impose a strict Islamic Sharia law. America leaves under the rule of what is now knows as Taleban, thanking them for their help.

In 2001, The Taleban attack the US. Americans give God Mode+Infinite ammo cheats to Hamid Karzai, a Durrani drug lord.

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I’ll leave final thoughts to Christopher Booker

As so often before, the Ghilzai have seen their country hijacked by a Durrani regime, supported by a largely Tajik army and by hated outsiders from the West. One reason why we find it so hard to win “hearts and minds” in Helmand is that we are up against a sullenly resentful population, fired by a timeless hatred and able to call on unlimited support, in men and materiel, from their Ghilzai brothers across the border in Pakistan.

Only in towns such as Sanguin and Garmsir are there islands of Durrani, willing to support the Durrani government in distant Kabul. No sooner have our forces “secured” a village from the Taleban, than their fighters re-emerge from the surrounding countryside to reclaim it for the Ghilzai cause. Without recognising this, and that what the Ghilzai really want is an independent “Pashtunistan” stretching across the border, we shall never properly understand why, like so many foreigners who have become embroiled in Afghanistan before, we have stumbled into a war we can never hope to win.